Ipe and I were having dinner with friends when I heard the song “Insensitive” blasting from the bar one floor below us and I immediately thought of a close friend whom I haven’t talked to in months.
Sure-we say hi, hello. The usual. We text on special occasions and we see each other on parties and get togethers since we have mutual friends.
But it isn’t the same. It hasn’t been the same for many months.
We used to be close. We go shop, have massages together. Watch movies and read books together. Brother-sister close; I never thought of him as my best friend coz I don’t believe anymore in using “best” to describe a friend, but he was a close friend. So close that I can tell him anything from my insecurities, to my dreams, to my sex life. And he in return shares with me his life as well.
However, somewhere, somehow, something changed. I can’t put my finger to it; it was probably a series of events that finally culminated in the breaking of our once unshakeable friendship.
It had survived one fight, between him and my husband. Even when they weren’t talking, we still talk. But then another fight erupted between them and one of his best friends. A fight I cannot detail here but one where I know they were wrong and we were right. I’m not just saying this because I’m siding with Ipe; I don’t have the so-called independence in appearance but I am very much independent in fact. And they were simply wrong. If they had been right, then I would have sided with them; not fight directly against my husband but I would have helped them to get Ipe to understand.
In any case, it wasn’t his being wrong that was the deal-breaker. It was the fact that he chose to side with the other person (who also happens to be a friend, too) – disregarding the fact that he and Ipe had over fifteen years of friendship and our own decade of friendship. It was the fact that he chose the one friend who was wrong over the two friends who were right.
I was hurt. I was very deeply hurt like I had never been hurt. After all, he was like a brother/sister to me. He was the older brother I never had, the older sister I never had. Ipe was hurt too, far more than our friend could have guessed. Far more than he ever admitted to me even but I can sense it.
It was a betrayal of our friendship and the chasm it has created is too wide to bridge right now.
We talk. But I don’t think either of us listen anymore.
And so I remembered him when I heard that song. And I realize I miss him. But I don’t think I’m quite ready to cross the bridge. I don’t know if I will ever be ready at all, to be honest.
How do you bury a friendship? What do put on the tombstone – here lies a broken friendhip?
Can it ever be resurrected?